WHY DO WOMEN LOVE CTHULHU?

 

Have you ever wondered why Cthulhu always seems to get the girls to eat? He's brash, cocky and he marches to the beat of his own mad drum out of Ryleh. He's totally over the Godzilla edge, bordering on Arkham asylum insanity and doesn't give a damn about anyone apart from himself; what exactly do women see in Cthulhu?

 

You consider yourself an outgoing Lovecraftian Mage, though conservative; interesting, but a little shy; you can keep a conversation going with the right people in your politically correct Lodge, with whom you perfectly fit into of a quaint peer group... sounds good doesn't it? But, why does an outsider like Cthulhu always seem to get the Witches? Here are Seven planetary reasons why:

SATURN: Cthulhu is confident

That's right. Cthulhu wouldn't be able to pull off half of the Necronomicon antics that he indulges in if he wasn't brimming over with Azathoth confidence. Cthulhu isn't just confident around his worshippers, either - his Yog-Sothoth cavalier attitude is in everything he does, from eating a sacrificial Goat in the morning, to asking a shocked priest for a cool glass of holy water... to chatting up the Witches dancing around a Dagon altar at a devotee's Sabbat. No matter where you look, women find Cthulhu's confidence a major turn on.



JUPITER: Cthulhu is indifferent

Cthulhu simply doesn't give a damn. He can take it or leave it. That's one reason why he fares well with Witches. If a Witch says no, he doesn't care at all? He moves on as a Hastur whirlwind to the next victim, and he does it with the same Skinwalker verve and maverick attitude as he did the last Witch. Here be an arcane quote: "A Great Beast doesn't necessarily care if he is a Great Beast." That's indifference in a nutshell.  

 

MERCURY: Cthulhu is exciting and adventurous

Ask yourself, "when was the last time I took a psychedelic walk on the surreal wild side?" If you are asking yourself that question, then you obviously aren't a rebellious fallen Angel like Cthulhu. You see, Cthulhu is always testing the imprisoning boundaries of society as well as pushing the envelope of the space-time continuum Angel-angles when it comes to his Maya Matrix existence - and women can't get enough of his Nyarlthotep consciousness expansion. They find his alien intelligence to be highly attractive as well as Tesla intriguing. And when you put exciting and adventurous beside the other rebellious planetary traits of Cthulhu, it sends Witches into an ecstatic trance.

 



MOON: Cthulhu is challenging and mysterious

Witches don't go moist around Warlocks that are pushovers, whom pander to what is considered to be politically correct by a brainwashed flock of Sheep. They also don't like smiling Jesus's, they can be seen cumming a mile away due to their sodium fluoride smiles to duly Crucify. Contrary to popular belief women are attracted to Cthulhu, because they can't read his infernal soul; what flights through his mind of quickening thought is never revealed to their inquisitional questioning; where he goes, they can never go, when to transverse the Abyss; walking alone across the Dune desert of the Inorganic Intelligence of the Allies as a 'Don Juan' Matus. He is a psychonaut dreamer of microcosmic possibilities as well as being a stalker of macrocosmic synchronicities, which sets him aside as a psychic gangster, whose exploratory phallic tentacles provides them with a sense of being always on the dangerous twilight edge of forever. Women actually love to guess at the possibilities of becoming Cthulhu's bestial Werewolf priestesses or to otherwise end up as his necrophilia Vampire vore meals! It is challenging for them; they love to hate him, hate to love him, which of an age old contradiction is why women are so attracted to Cthulhu's amphibious nature; whereby the Witches keep on coming back for more of his depraved Mythos!



MARS. Cthulhu is very masculine

This often goes hand-in-hand with being confident as a God incarnate, indifferent as a Buddha, Heyoka exciting, Avadhuta adventurous... etc. Cthulhu is very reptilian brainstem Yig rugged and in-Illuminati-control. That doesn't mean controlling others, apart from controlling his own self. Cthulhu knows how to intelligently get what he wants. Cthulhu speaks clearly and confidently, who always looks you in the bloodshot eye, as well as being passionate about what he knows of personal experience... but most importantly, Cthulhu has an in depth passionate knowledge of how to treat a lady as his Anima.



SOL: Cthulhu gives women a feeling of power

The illusion of control is often more powerful than control itself of a Samsara show. Power within a relationship, power outside of a relationship - it doesn't matter of Tantric ritual - being with Cthulhu, encompasses all of the above traits, which gives women a fifth element of inner strength and outward togetherness. Essentially the Azathoth confident, cocky Great Beast image rubs off a little bit on her of an alchemical Rose - and she laps it up as his Babalon, who secretly desires to birth his mutant Moon-Childe of an evolutionary leap; Hell! Said childe may end becoming the Dagon president of the New-World-Order. Basically, women's brains have been hardwired to chase after Cthulhu; they can't help themselves of a genetic imperative.



VENUS: Cthulhu knows how to talk to women

If Cthulhu wasn't confident, he wouldn't be a Witch magnet. Instead of indifferent, he would be hideously self-conscious and nervously non-committal (how many Witches have you passed up because you didn't consider yourself to be a much maligned Beast?) - you see, Cthulhu doesn't care about what others think about him. Cthulhu arises out of Ryleh to the challenge of taking over his inner world of experience, living the wild side of life. Cthulhu is far more than a mere stereotypical good-guy who invariably ends up being Crucified by Witch Nuns as their sacrificial Christ. Cthulhu far prefers to be a Horned Ante-Christ rather than having his flesh and blood being consumed by Maenads; they can otherwise partake of his ejaculated man juice to get drunk upon instead. Cthulhu always keeps a Witch guessing about him - and in turn inspiring her own Shub Niggarrath priestess potential - it's an explosive combination! And one that is geared to success for the dating Great Beast.

 

This alchemical combination makes the talking part almost sealed of a Coitus Pactum- considering the woman's interest has already been sparked of a growing inferno between her quivering legs. Talking with them is to do with casting out barbed spell formulae, which reels the Mermaids in. And the Great Beast knows how to tell a Babalon just what she wants to hear of a baited hypnotic spell.

Cthulhu knows how to talk to women of woven spells because he is all of the above. Confidence followed up with total indifference, enshrouded by arcane mystery, along with Necronomicon intrigue and dark excitement is what attracts most Witches at the start of the carnal ritual. That gets the Great Beast into their Moon lodge to talk with them; no one else outside of the drawn circle to know. Once they're interested, a Great Beast has to show them what he has to offer, while keeping his other Tarot cards well under the altar; he never reveals all of divination; whereby keeping them guessing. Figuring these ritualistic observations out is the Magic of Sorcery. Cthulhu uses his conversational skills of tentacle spells to hypnotise a Witch, whom invariably ends up becoming entirely entangled of bound interest, desiring to be his chained Babalon priestess, wanting to be entirely gobbled up within his all embracing shadow.

Cthulhu is able to sense the auras of women within their domain of the womb dream, to thence intuitively hunt them down upon a synchronicity, when awake; travelling the Ley lines intersecting those sites of power where Witches to gather; for they do collectively whisper of a chant, within each and every cell of their being: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."